words and realizations
by Gabby D
Summary: LeFou finally speaks up for himself and says everything that was buried inside of him, eating him whole. Shame it was too late for it now. [BatB2017]


"I got to say it all now, I've been holding it for too long it's eating me whole."

LeFou sighed deeply, trying to calm himself down and go over everything he had to say. For all it boiled inside of him for days when the time came to talk out loud the words seemed to disappear, leaving his mind blank with panic. He spent a few minutes looking at the ground, trying to speak words that never left his mouth.

"I still don't know why," he ends up blurting. "Why you did all this, why Belle, why you betrayed me…" LeFou continues, "We were _Le Duo_! We had everything, we _were_ everything. And you threw it all away. In the end I didn't even recognize you."

He stops for a second with a sad smile on his face, all the memories of their adventures and their time together flooding him and making him empty all the same time.

"I still wonder if it was our fault— _my fault_. Too many praises, too much worship. Never any consequences for Gaston. Did we corrupt you?" he asks in despair, "Tell me, my friend, was it us or was the monster inside of you all long? Am I to blame, if not by enabling you then for not seeing who you were becoming from the start?"

LeFou doesn't remember when the tears started, but he quickly brush them away when he realizes what's happening. It wasn't the time to lose composure; not here, not now. LeFou could cry later, God knows how much he did already, but right now it was time for him to finally speak up for himself, even if too late to make a difference.

"I don't even know who I am without you," he confesses in a whisper, the honesty paining him. "I never thought I'd be just myself, I never thought I wouldn't be at your side at the end. It was always Le Duo—always Gaston! Never LeFou." He looks up. "I loved you."

LeFou stares at the image of the man in front of him. For a second he focuses on Gaston's form; his muscles, his chiseled jaw, his eyes. All things that helped blind him of Gaston's ego, of what the man was becoming. He was too happy singing praises and being at his feet to notice what was happening. The man who was once his friend, whose bond he thought would never break, was slowly losing himself to rage.

"I've been in love with you my entire life." The admission hurts him, but it's also freeing. He can no longer stop the tears from falling but they don't stop him. He doesn't think it's possible for him to stop anymore. "I loved you with all my heart and I only created the courage to tell you when it was too late, when you had already left me. And you know the saddest part?"

 _The irony of it all?_

"Everyone knew. The whole village, my family, your precious Belle. _Everyone knew_ but you. I don't know if you were blind or simply in denial, but oh how every little comment hurt me. _'What do you think of that woman?', 'Is that lady of your tastes?', 'How many women have you slept with?', 'How is it that no woman have snatched you up yet?'_... Always smiling, always trying to be friendly; the perfect picture of a wingman. Were you dim or trying to push me away?"

He thinks of his life now, of all that happened since the events of that day. Since they invaded the castle trying to kill the Beast. Since the fall.

"Stanley took me for a dance, at the Grand Ball of Belle's engagement. I think he plans on courting me soon, if I've been interpreting the signs he sends me correctly." LeFou smiles at the memory: he remembers the surprised when at the time to switch partners Stanley simply took him instead of handing him his partner, and stayed so for more three switches. He remembers laughing and the warmth of feeling adored, of being _public_. "Do you remember him? From the pub. Always hanging around Dick and Tom, the youngest of the group. He used to come with us on hunts a lot but wasn't any good at it… He enjoys ladies' clothes, I know now. Beautiful dresses and makeup. Says he enjoys feeling pretty. Sounds silly, but it fits him. He's not you, he's no Gaston, and he's always known that. But I'm starting to think that's ok. He doesn't have to be like you. Nobody does." _I don't._ "It's enough already. He's enough."

 _I'm enough._

"I'm here because… because I wanted to see you one last time, Gaston, and tell you this: I loved you and I don't forgive you." As much as it pained him to say. "I don't know who I am anymore without you by my side," he repeated, his voice sure; no traces of the fool he once was.

LeFou touches the painting of his former best friend, his former Captain, taking his time to trace the face he once admired. His heart breaking inside his chest.

"But I think I'm finally ready to find out."


End file.
